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But I do have to say that I did enjoy some of what I did up there. You have to understand some of those men are skillful lovers, and I do enjoy sex. That doesn't mean I didn't miss it with my husband or would ever cheat on him. This is very important to me. He has to accept that didn't cheat on him, that I was doing this for him. I think it was noble and..."Jenny realized that she was crying, tears running down her cheek. Dr. Gardner handed her a tissue and then said, "continue."Jenny took a deep breath and said, "He was never supposed to know. I wouldn't have done it if I thought he would find out, but I'm not sorry. I owed him and I wanted him back still a man. If someone had to take it up the ass, I didn't want it to be him. I would have done almost anything to protect him. I don't know why he keeps calling me a slut and a whore. I never even pretended to be either of those for the guys. I was a party girl, a good time girl, but I would never do that for money, and I'd never cheat. I was Miss Well Behaved, the daughter my parents could be proud of."I felt caged. Part of what I did was a rebellion against my parents, against that image I had, that 'good girl' who always called when she was running late, who never missed her curfew, never ran with the bad crowd. I rebelled against you, against your set plans for how our life would be. I should have stood up for my own dreams, but I was too well conditioned."I've learned a few things in Hillview during those sessions. I must stand up for myself. I know I'm in a bad position to make demands and I'd rather give up my own dreams than lose you for good, but if you could just meet me halfway on a few issues, if you could make just one step towards me, I can make those steps too. If we both give in a little there can be no resentment."Cliff had listened to her as she emptied her heart and he looked down. "I've been thinking about that a lot. You know, that I just assumed that you shared my plans. It was easy though. You.
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